26. Mental Stress
Today we look at our minds. We are going to deal with beliefs and our understanding of the mind. How we think the world should be and then why we get disappointed when it isn't. All things related to our emotional state. It's a very important area. In fact it's probably one of the most important to discuss as it is where a lot of disease originates from. There have been hundreds of studies, for example from Doctor Hamer of Germany New Medicine, that have really proven a lot of traumatic and emotional events, such as divorce or loss of a loved one, is directly linked to a disturbance in the brain and then through that, a disturbance in the body. That is something we need to look at and we need to resolve.
If, for example, you are always living in complete resentment, total frustration or anger, or a stressful situation, and you can't get out of it or you remain in that situation indefinitely, your immune response will lower drastically. It will lower your self-worth. If you send a signal such as "I'm not worthy", "I'm not worthy of money", "I'm not worthy of a relationship", from your brain through your body, those signals are like shut off signals sent to certain organs and related programs in our body. You can't ignore this! A lot of people take supplements and pills and so on, but they stay in their situation, they stay in their stress, and it's not a solution if you want to truly heal.
So we will look at some areas that impact our mind and therefore our body. Let's start with the biggest one: stress. Stress is a very significant feeling that a lot of people have all the time. I would like to start off by defining what stress is and compare healthy and non-healthy stress. Say you have a goal, you want to achieve something, you will have stress in doing this something as it is new. Which is always stressful because you need to research, try, do new things. All of those things are likely to cause some kind of stress. However, this is healthy stress that helps you to move forward because it creates adrenaline and it stimulates dopamine production which in turn helps you to achieve success.
But the big problem is, if you never manage to achieve what you set out to and you stay in the problem zone for too long the stress can turn chronic. That is when it becomes really unhealthy and detrimental. So, thinking about stress as a means to get you somewhere, that is good. Set yourself a goal, work through it and get there. But it is not good for you to stay in the process.
Let's break down the different types of stress.
Work stress is usually attributed to not learning how to improve your work. A lot of people are workaholics. They work and work and work, but they do more of what they've already done, which means they don't get a different outcome. They just get more of the same. That isn't a solution. They should try and step back, have a look at their work and ask themselves how they would like it to be different. Maybe they could delegate and have someone else take over certain tasks that they aren't great at? Maybe they could look for a different work environment? There are many solutions. The big problem is if they stay where they are, they will always have that stress and never learn how to resolve it.
Stress is only related to not changing, not adapting, and not working out a better plan. I always tell people that the very successful people have a plan, they work it out and follow through. If they find ways to use less time, make more money, have more success, then they will follow it. Whereas unsuccessful people keep doing what they have always done over and over again. They don't change.
That's number one. To get rid of stress at work you need to look at your work and see how you can improve it. Then all of a sudden things start to flow.
Then we have financial stress. You know how it is said that greedy people are rich people, and that you can learn how to save from them, it is true! It's not just a joke, it's actually a real thing that you need to contemplate. If you assign more value in money it means other things money is used for in life is valued less. For example, if you have money and you spend it here and there, you spend it on your children, you buy a new car or a new house, it means you have higher value in those other areas, and less value in having money. Financially minded people, rich people have a higher value in having money, having something that earns them money, such as investments or rental property developments.
There are thousands of ways to make money work for you, but it means you need to save it first. This is where a lot of people think along the lines of "When I earn big I'll do it!". They win the lottery and then they spend some money on a few things or start fighting with their loved ones and suddenly it's gone. That's not a solution. It's much better to systematically put a small portion of what you have away, put it into an account that you don't use in order for it to grow. Invest into something that earns you more money. It can start early, we can do it with our kids and help teach them how to invest and improve their financial situation. You wouldn't believe how fast money grows if you constantly feed it.
That's what we call building up wealth and financial starters. You're not dependent on outside sources, you have money working for you. When you start early you build up to a substantial level that can save you and can maintain you. That's a really critical thing to understand, to learn and to start right away.
On to relationship stress. My favourite one! I actually really like this subject because I do a lot of single clubs and a lot of relationship classes. Relationship problems are always based on illusions. "You have to love me. No matter how arrogant, how stupid, how boring, or how dull I am". This isn't true is it, we never sign up for something like that. What happens is we fall in love with the person that is presented to us in the beginning. We go out, be nice, dress nicely and have fun, but then we get into the relationship and all of a sudden all of that vanishes. The person that is revealed has a different personality to what we thought, or we see all the flaws that we ignored in the beginning.
The biggest issue in a relationship is the exchange in values. I get something from you that I really like and in return you get something you need from me. In the male-female classical relationship that could be safety, certainty, someone to look after you, protection. If that's the female's desire and the male provides, then she's going to be happy. On the flip side if that desire is withdrawn, for example if the guy decides to buy a motorcycle and stops supporting her so much, all of a sudden drama appears because the need of the partner is no longer being met. If the protection and the certainty and security is not there, then the deal is off.
This goes both ways. If a male falls in love with someone who is nicely dressed, likes to have fun and go out, they then get married, have children, then are stressed by the mortgage, she lets go of exercise, hobbies, and passions, and falls purely into that female role of a housewife, all of a sudden the spark is gone. All of a sudden the dynamic of going out and having fun is gone. It's the same thing. The deal is off. It's a very simple concept. You always need to look at the exchange, and it's always based on values. What I want from a relationship is very clear and as long as my expectations are met I'm a happy camper.
Now take that from a loving relationship into a business relationship and it's the same thing. If a client wants something and I provide and give graciously, then they will love me. If I sneak around and cheat and send things that aren't correct and sell things that aren't okay, then all of a sudden the client will go elsewhere. If they don't get what they want, they won't even deal with me! It's a very simple concept that fits into relationships, business environments, any sort of relationship with another person, it's always the same.
Another example is a change in opinion. Say you're a vegetarian with vegetarian friends and one day you say "I've been thinking and researching a lot and I really believe that I need to have more protein and amino acids in my diet. I need to start eating meat again". Look at where your closest friends end up. Either they start researching and learning about what you spoke about, which is probably only a tiny percentage, or they just fade away and go in other directions as your shared values have changed. As long as you share their values and beliefs and share what they believe, then they are close friends. As long as you don’t change. If you shift away from that they are gone.
This happens in many relationships. We move through life depending on our own field of consciousness. Depending on how much we learn and how much we grow. We go through many different friendships. If you stay stagnant you're probably not moving forward or growing.
It's very significant to see that everything is based on that fair exchange. As long as you get what you desire from a relationship you stay. If you don't get it you move away. Everybody deals on that basis. Another example is if I enter into a relationship where I'm abused or bullied, it's because the other side is wanting something different than what I am delivering. That's a very significant role and we'll come to more of that in a moment because if a relationship has moved to that point there is a lot more of a dynamic going on and it's about empowerment. More on that shortly.
Spiritual stress is equally significant, and not to be underestimated. There are a lot of dogmatic beliefs, such as if you get divorced you can't get into heaven. If you commit a sin you can't get into heaven. If you're not a good girl you won't get into heaven. Whatever! There is a lot of that belief structure which was implemented and promoted by the Church to hold the reigns. You can see this conviction in Botticelli's illustration of Dante's Inferno. Dante translated the Upanishads. In the Upanishads there are the 7 lokas and the 24 talas. That's what the ancient Indian scriptures described. The 24 hells. He translated that into this drawing, the funnel. The lowest part is pure hell and total darkness, unconsciousness. Then moving up is all the different layers of sins. That's what Botticelli drew, and the Church implemented around 700AD. The point is that it was used to instill fear into people if they didn't do the right thing. That can be a massive burden. If you are forced into a belief that you don't want, it can be a burden. If you have anxiousness and fear and suppression it can be a big burden. If you have to do things because you have been forced to do them in that specific way and it doesn't agree with your inner beliefs, then that's a real problem. Stepping out of that and looking at different cultures and how they do things differently can open up your mind drastically. Researching and studying will give you a lot of peace and clarity.
Let's just explore the concept of emotional intelligence very briefly. When we have a feeling such as aversion, grief, anger, sorrow, fear, shame, anxiety or jealousy, then they're usually based on not knowing how to deal with those feelings. It is really just based on not knowing how to handle situations. Anxiety is when you don’t know what's going to happen to you. Grief is when you don't know how to handle the loneliness or sadness of somebody leaving. All of those things are coming from the same background. "I don't know how to handle _____."
What we do with emotional intelligence during the Truly Heal training program is we translate it, not into happiness and joy and dancing and having fun - which isn't really the opposite - but to the other side, peace, understanding, gratefulness, love, purpose and compassion. We learn to understand how things work and then how to resolve them. Then comes the feeling of having a purpose, of being peaceful. You can be peaceful if you know how to handle these types of feelings. It really is a beautiful concept. As you learn how to handle a situation the stress goes away. This is because you know how to achieve the desired outcome or how to live with the condition because you know how it's been created.
Stress develops when you do not learn how to resolve your problems over time. When you are sick and you get your diagnosis there is the initial stress of adjusting to it. That's a positive stress because it really rattles your cage. It forces you to open up. You need to change your thinking, and you need to approach brand new things. Usually we're not thinking about health until it's too late, and then all of a sudden it's an overwhelming task. That stress is positive because it moves you into a learning curve.
The problem is when you're stuck and you don't learn, then you don't move forward and don't resolve anything. You can then become dependent on someone with higher authority, and it doesn't actually depend on how high level the doctor or surgeon, for example, may be, it's actually how low you are in your own empowerment. If you aren't knowledgable about health, you can become really dependent on someone else (as you can see on the scale image).
For example, if I speak to a doctor and am confident in assessing whether I believe in what they say, and can judge if they are incorrect or out of place, I can make a decision on whether I want to work with them. Or at least I can have discussions with them on the same level. If I don't feel as though I am on the same level and feel intimidated however, I can become dependent.
So let's just look at this from another perspective. Instead of placing feelings of blame on a doctor you felt was arrogant and condescending, look at yourself. Maybe you weren't paying attention, maybe the doctor just saw you as another patient that had no knowledge of health and what he was discussing with you. This shows the scale works the other way as well. If one side feels higher, the further down the other side goes. We can look at that dynamic with a different concept. A rock star, for example. A rock star has fans that want their attention, that admire and adore them. Do you think the rock star really sees those fans? Really notices them? However, if another rock star - who has their own pride, knowledge and wisdom - comes into their path, they will be accepted and listened to, and the two will work together and be on the same level.
Respect can be lost if the scales are not balanced. It is something which is very difficult for doctors to do, to keep that respect for their patients if their patients are disempowered. Many doctors have said to me it is their worst nightmare when patients see them and just ask "Doctor can you fix me?!".
So empower yourself. Boost yourself up and you will find the stress goes away. You are then not dependent on the doctors knowledge only. You can choose your doctor, and talk on their level.
This is a very significant factor that needs to be addressed on all levels. When you have one area that is disempowered and all other areas are strong it's not as big of an issue to fix. Say you have enough money, success, great relationships, and then you have a health problem, it won't be as difficult to fix because you already know how to resolve issues and move forward. However, if you have less than two or three areas empowered, such as no money, no knowledge, no wisdom, no health, no social support or recognition or satisfactory work, then the whole thing becomes very stressful because you don't have the support network that you need. This is why we really encourage everybody to come on board with the EQ Academy, because you will learn so many things about how to empower your life, how to live a successful life, and how to deal with problems a lot more wisely than choosing blame and anger and frustration. Everybody can choose that way, but it never leads to any progress or change. People who blame others will never learn, however those who actually realise why these feelings happen and learn how to translate those feelings, will learn how to change and empower themselves.
This is what I would like to do with you. I really want you to empower your life and for you to become very successful so that there is no need to fall into that stress level in any areas of your life.
Now to my motivational scale! How it works is you pick an area of your life and look at how much motivation you need in order to get it moving. The scale helps you determine what level of push you need to get going. This is something that I've found to be true with every single person.
We have 24 hours in a day. From that, let's say you sleep 6 – 8 hours, so there's not much left. Mornings and evenings are gone, so you have a certain amount of time, say only about 10 hours where you can be productive. So how do you sort those 10 hours? You always sort them by doing the things that you love first. Those things which spark your mind and fill your heart always come first. You spend most of your time, energy, and money in those areas. If you look at where you spend your money, you will see that it all goes into the same department, into those things that you love.
So then next you have areas that you find okay, you don't mind doing them but aren't thrilled about it. Next you have areas which you neglect and don’t like to do, the areas you try to avoid by all means.
Now, if health is one of the areas you neglect, it means you will need a lot of motivation to get going. I speak out of experience, so don't think I'm exempt! If your health has low value in your life, then all those little 'friendly reminders', those little signals you receive, won't push you ahead.
For example, say we have a tummy ache and we think "who cares, it will go away soon." That's a friendly reminder. A not so friendly reminder would be "Oh! It really hurts and I have diarrhea! I shouldn't have eaten that!" But often a not so friendly is still not enough. Next we get gentle warnings, such as the outcome of your first doctors visit is that you need to have your appendix removed, or you have high inflammation, among other issues such as concentration problems. We say "we can live with those! It's not that much of a problem". Next we get aggressive warnings - surgery, gall bladder removal, still highly inflamed, the doctors have never seen such an inflamed gall bladder! "But that's still okay! I'll survive!". Then we move into threatening gestures and last warnings. This is the point where something happens which will force you into getting your affairs in order. 'Action is taken when there's bullying, pain, loss and suffering'.
At which level do you get moving?
For me often it's right at the end because I have too many other things to do. I have so much to do that I don't have time for all of that! I don’t have time for exercise and walking and baths! Who sits for an hour in a bath!? Can I take my laptop with me? Things like that were out of the question for me because my life was too filled with other things I found more important.
Another example could be your financial starter. If you don't have time to save and to control your money, to put something aside because you're too busy with other things, that area will get worse and worse and worse. Then you will have friendly reminders from the bank such as mortgage or rent notices. Then not so friendly reminders and gentle warnings where they tell you that you are going to be kicked out or they will take your furniture away if you don't pay up soon. Then its the aggressive warnings and then threatening and so on. It's always the same.
In a relationship, for example, friendly reminders are when your husband works a lot and never comes home. A not so friendly reminder is when he actually prefers to do other things than spend time with you. Then through to gentle warnings, aggressive warnings, and finally to divorce. It never jumps from friendly reminder straight to threatening warnings. It always builds up.
You need to work out how much of a signal you need in order to change. That should tell you very clearly. If you have a lot of stress, threatening gestures, aggressive warnings and gentle warnings in areas of life, then that's what you need to work on. It shouldn't be a problem to earn money. It shouldn't be a problem to have a great relationship, it's absolutely easy! Once you know the dynamic and how to handle a relationship, all of a sudden you have the best in the world!
So this scale is how you measure all the different areas that are stressed. Therefore, just learning your motivation scale, recognising your reminders and knowing how to deal with them will transform whichever area you need to within a couple of weeks. I can guarantee this because I've done it a hundred times.